sorry about calling you the devil all night.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
