i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
