I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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