I want to stick my p in your. b.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
