tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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