is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
