I could have mohawked her pubes.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
They have beer where we have blood.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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