but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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