I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
