Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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