I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize
