I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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