I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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