the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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