i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
