Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
