no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you would pick up someone in the library
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
