Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
