we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
