Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
