First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
it glows. i had to have it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
