My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
