party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
