Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Someone came in the potted fern
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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