Betty ford says i'm here all night
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
