I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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