Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
