every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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