I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
