aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
