if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
