So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Is it because I queefed?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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