Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
