I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
