sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
