Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
