I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
