I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Oh god it's open bar.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
