is wine microwaveable?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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