i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
