week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
