I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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