My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You dont lie about slip and slides
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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