i permit you to call me
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
