he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
