Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
