3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
