yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There's always time for handjobs
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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