yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
