she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
