I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
