this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
