I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
