ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
