i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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