So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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